Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
