The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
