my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
