I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
and you fell through a lawn chair
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
