Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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