fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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