Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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