I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
