you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
