Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
