Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
