So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize