remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
