The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
