i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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