I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
