dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
