OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
