you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
