K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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