dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
smell my finger.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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