just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
