I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so that wasnt chicken after all
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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