At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm passing your future prison.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
