Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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