a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
