I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
