So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
