put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
