I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When are your genitals available?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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