When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
where are my eyebrows?
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