Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
