I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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