Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize