It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
