Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
