saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
