is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
