okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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