I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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