Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
