okay pat passed out under dana's car
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
