I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
