Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
