You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
