I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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