Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
