I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
