i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
