she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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