Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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