his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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