I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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