She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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