does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
