Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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