Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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