So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
