I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
this will be a night to untag.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize