eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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