Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
did i just pee glitter
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
