did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
