hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
