he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize