Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
