And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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