3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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