After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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